you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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