More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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