Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
