How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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