I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize