Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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