i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
