I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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