you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
