Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
