I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
