I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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