Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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