I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The air taste purple.
Randomize
