And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
