i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
