I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
