Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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