Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
