just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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