If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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