he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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