i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
