I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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