WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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