The maid of honor just puked.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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