Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
