standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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