My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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