can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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