the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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