today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
