We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
