I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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