I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
