Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
