Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
