Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
