I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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