If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
