soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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