why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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