He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This baby is an asshole
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You made out with two different species that night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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