I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
