i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sober January is a disaster.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
