Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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