David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
