i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
