And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize