what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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