I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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