We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
