so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
