she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
