Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
