Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
