toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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