a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
