I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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