Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
