girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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