I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
