We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
