if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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