this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize