Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
