Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
