What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
