and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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